Loved and Lost
by Thalia Kendall
Summary: *DONE!* It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. This is a truth that Ami learns. A biographical story about one girl's love, the joy and pain...rated R for dark themes such as child abuse, and mild profanity.
1. Sorrow

Hello, this is Thalia here with a new work.  
  
All of my previous works have had happy endings. This one, however, does not. That's because this  
work is different from my others in the sense that it's partially biographical. I'm writing this in honor  
of two of my friends, one of whom met a tragic, untimely end last November, killed by a drunk driver.  
  
This work is dedicated to the other friend, his girlfriend, who is one of the smartest, strongest and   
most caring people I will ever have the honor of knowing.   
  
I'm using Sailor Moon characters to represent the different people in this story, but the events, and  
the personalities of the characters, have a basis in reality.   
  
Okay, that's enough for the author's notes. The characters do not belong to me. This we all know.  
Now, moving onwards......  
  
***  
  
20 November 2001  
  
Ami Mizuno sat in her dorm room by her desk. The usually immaculate surface was trashed; littered   
with ever-increasing amounts of crumpled tissues. A bowl of cold, forgotten ramen sat on her lap. A  
teardrop, followed by another, and another, and another, dripped into it, and once again, she found  
herself crying bitterly, heartbrokenly, shoulders shaking and lips quivering. It was yesterday that her  
whole world had crumbled around her like glass towers during an earthquake.  
  
At that moment, the phone rang. Ami, staring off at her blank computer screen with unseeing eyes,  
did not even notice until her roommate gently shoved the receiver into her hands, with a sad smile.  
"Ami, it's your friend Rei." Ami numbly took the phone from the hands of June, her roommate, and   
held it to her ear.  
  
"Rei..." Her usually calm, cool voice sounded choked and verging on hysterical to her own ears. "He's   
dead. He's dead! DEAD! Why, Rei?" The blue-haired genius, who usually had an answer to everything,  
found herself asking that unanswerable question to her friend. Rei had no answers for her, as she too  
cried with and for her stricken friend. All Rei could do was to offer broken words of sympathy to Ami,  
and cry with her.   
  
"You know, Rei, no one turned off his screen name on AOL instant messenger...it's still on...his away  
message says 'leave me a message, I'll be back soon.'! But he's never going to be back...never...his  
away message lies..." Ami said chokingly to her friend. "And...and I have so many things that I never  
said to him...that I will never have a chance to say to him now..."  
  
"Oh Ami, I'm so sorry...I know how fucking unfair this is...but you need to try to be strong, for his  
sake...and as for all those things you never told him, I think he knows them anyways...that's what  
love is all about, isn't it?" The usually fierce, fearless Rei was crying too, as much for the girl who   
was left living as for the boy who had died. In the instant that a drunk driver had plowed into the car  
Zoisite was riding the previous day, killing him and injuring the others inside, Ami had lost not only a  
lover, but her closest friend.  
  
***  
  
Short prologue, but there's more coming. *sob* *sniffle*  
  
REVIEW!! And people, if anyone DARES to flame me about how they don't like me "killing off" Zoisite,  
I will hunt them down and KILL THEM!! Again, as stated in the A/N on top, this is based on real life  
events, down to the dates. So, for the sake of my friend, who is the basis for Ami in this story, and  
also for the sake of her deceased boyfriend, who is the basis for Zoisite, BE VERY RESPECTFUL in   
your comments!!!   
  
Okay, now, that being said, send me mucho reviews...  
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	2. Flashback: First Meeting

The next installment of "Loved and Lost"  
  
As always, disclaimers apply. Read the notes in the first chapter to understand this story.  
  
REVIEW!  
  
***  
  
10 May 1999  
  
Ami Mizuno sat in her seat in History class, all her concentration focused on the textbook and notes  
spread on her desk. In ten minutes, the teacher would be passing out the quiz, and although Ami was  
fairly certain that she would do well on it, she wanted to go over the material one last time. So she  
tuned out the sights and sounds of everything else, and read over the chapter. Then, it was time for  
the quiz to begin, and Ami put her books and notes under her desk.  
  
Quickly and methodically, Ami marked her answers one after another on her scan-tron with her pencil,  
and within minutes she was done. She leaned back in her seat, and all of the sudden, she stiffened. A  
hand was combing gently through her hair. To her recollection, no one sat in the seat behind her, so  
who could it be? She did not want to turn around, the papers had not been collected yet, and this  
particular teacher was rather paranoid about cheating. Not that Ami would EVER cheat...  
  
But soon enough, the papers were collected, and the teacher's aide was sent off to run them through  
the scan-tron machine. Ami turned around, and looked into a pair of leaf-green eyes. On an unfamiliar  
but very handsome face with an intelligent expression and gentle smile, crowned with dark blond hair.  
Then, on his desk, there were several small wads of paper. With a slightly quirked eyebrow, the new  
boy inclined his head towards another boy a few seats away, Norman Sheldon, the class clown, who  
had another wad of paper poised to throw into her hair. Ami rolled her eyes, then fixed him with an icy  
glare.  
  
"Norman, I know this is a lot to ask for someone of your tiny mental capacity, but could you please  
just TRY to act at least half your biological age?!" She hissed at him. He made some rather negative  
comment about the class, in an unfortunately loud voice, and was subsequently heard by the teacher  
and chewed out. Ami turned back to the stranger.  
  
"Hello, what's your name?" He smiled at her, and proferred a hand.  
  
"Zoisite Green. And yours?"  
  
"Ami Mizuno, a pleasure." She shook his hand. The two fell into pleasant conversation. Zoisite had just  
transferred from another high school, in fact, the same high school that Kunzite, who was Ami's friend  
Mina's new boyfriend, had attended. Both soon found out that they had several things in common: a  
high intelligence, great ambition, and steady, dependable natures. When the bell rang at the end of the  
class, Ami walked out smiling. She had just made a new friend.  
  
***  
  
Yes, yes, I KNOW that the chapters are short! OH WELL!! This is probably going to be a very long work  
though. So just be glad that I update regularly. Same things apply as in the first chapter...REVIEW!  
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	3. Ami's Story

Here is yet another installment of "Loved and Lost" WARNING: MENTIONS DISTURBING EVENTS. CHILD  
SEXUAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE. This is based on reality, and in reality, this sort of thing really happens.  
This is why this work is rated R. Nothing graphic, just...yeah.  
  
Everything previously mentioned in earlier Author's Notes still apply...including the disclaimers...yadda  
yadda yadda........  
  
Moving right along...  
  
***  
  
Those who knew Ami Mizuno saw a breathtakingly perfect, put-together girl, the one with the illegally  
good grades, the peacemaker, the mature one, the cool, collected one with the flawless life. 4.0 GPA,  
the ambition of going to a good college and then medical school, numerous talents, a tutor, a steady  
on the honor roll, she seemed to have it all: brains, beauty, and many good qualities. The only thing  
that seemed to be wrong with her was her impersonal, almost chilly indifference to such things as love  
and relationships, that all her other friends seemed to enjoy. It was almost as if her brilliant mind was  
too old for her youthful age.  
  
Ami knew very well what her reputation was, and it was wont to make her laugh bitterly. Perfect life  
indeed! There were many things in her life that were not known to the general populace, things that  
were certainly not perfect.   
  
Ami had not always projected the image of reserved, strictly intellectual and somewhat unemotional  
and rather cynical brainiac. There was once a time when she had been a trusting, sociable and happy  
child, who laughed and told stories and charmed all those around her with her cloudless, twinkling big  
blue eyes and spritely nature. But children all need to grow up, and Ami, tragically, was made an adult  
way too soon.  
  
The first tragedy was when Ami was ten. With both parents working, Ami was a very independent little  
girl, but by law, she was not allowed to stay home alone. Accordingly, her mom and dad hired a live-in  
babysitter, an elderly man who had a lot of patience with children.   
  
All went well at first. Ami would come home from school, and do her homework, and Mr. Wayne would  
watch her, and perhaps make her some snack to eat. Then, one day, Ami came home with a special  
assignment. They were doing surveys in class, and Ami decided to give the survey tonice Mr. Wayne.  
She went upstairs, and knocked on his door. He opened it, and let her in, shutting the door behind her  
and letting her sit down.  
  
Ami was in the middle of asking Mr. Wayne the first question when she noticed that he had a strange  
look in his eyes. She had gotten up, and had walked up to him, asking if he was all right. And then, all  
of the sudden, Ami found herself beind held by iron-like arms, and a hard, intrusive kiss being pressed   
on her mouth. She opened her mouth to scream, but only felt a slimy tongue press in between her lips.  
It felt absolutely disgusting! Ami tried to wrench herself away, but couldn't. Mr. Wayne pressed her  
down onto the bed, and undid his pants. Ten-year-old Ami knew nothing about sex, but something in  
her mind knew that something about the situation at hand was terribly wrong. Then, the lecherous old  
man tried to lift up her shirt and pull down her pants. Ami clutched at her clothing desperately, trying  
to keep them from getting lifted off. Then, as Mr. Wayne loosened his grip on her for a moment, Ami  
bolted out of the room, and down the stairs. Grabbing the cordless phone, she locked herself in the  
bathroom and called her parents to come home immediately. They came home, and got rid of the vile,  
perverted old man at once.  
  
Mr. Wayne had not succeeded in raping her, but he had succeeded in breaking her trust in mankind.  
  
The second tragedy was when Ami was 13. One day, coming home from school, she had just gone up  
to her room to do her homework, when suddenly, her door slammed open, and she looked up to see   
her father's hate-filled eyes. Her father, whom she had loved and adored, stormed over to her chair,  
and lifted a large, block-like fist. It slammed into the side of her jaw, and she felt her eyes water. The  
other hand joined the first, and poor Ami was being slapped and punched on both sides of her face.   
Her blue eyes were brimming with tears of pain, but all of the sudden, her spirit within soared to her  
brain. 'I will NOT cry. I will NOT beg.' Ami silently repeated this mantra to herself again and again, as  
the painful blows continued to rain upon her cheeks. All of the sudden, after a particularly violent hit,  
she tasted something acrid and metallic in her mouth. Her teeth had come in sharp contact with the  
inside of her cheek, and blood flowed from her mouth. But no tears flowed from her eyes. Her father,  
in a poisonous, icy voice, had ordered her to go to the bathroom and wash off the blood.   
  
The next day at school, Ami's science teacher had noticed that her favorite student's face had angry  
purple welts on each side. Suspicious, Mrs. Felton had sent the girl to the principal's office. Soon, the  
painful truth was weeded out.   
  
It was then, after the second tragedy, that Ami decided to take martial arts.  
  
When she had gotten to high school, Ami decided that it would be intolerable to be an object of pity  
and curiosity any more. With set teeth, she focused on studying, and making herself useful. She made  
several friends, and it was common to see her hanging around with four other girls. There was fiery,  
loyal, dauntless Rei, popular, charming Mina, quirky, strong Lita, and childlike, cheerful Serena. Ami was  
a devoted and very caring friend to them, almost as if she wanted to make sure that these girls would  
always have happy lives unshadowed by the horrible events that had marred her own. Before long, Ami  
was considered quite the accomplished student, and many people respected and admired her. But Ami's  
supposed perfection was that of an ice statue. Coldly beautiful and remote.  
  
~~~  
  
Ami looked at Zoisite, a bitter smirk on her face. "Well, now you know my story. Feel free to make some  
lame excuse about having to go somewhere right now. It was nice knowing you."  
  
Zoisite stared at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"  
  
Ami sighed. "You don't need to say anything. I don't want your pity. I know I've had a fucked-up life.   
So now, you know the truth about me. Now, you don't need to feel obligated to be friends with me just  
because you're worried about me thinking I'm probably some suicidal psychological headcase."  
  
Zoisite gently took her hands in his. "Ami, look at me." Ami did, and saw that his green eyes were filled  
with honesty and sincerity. "I don't think you're messed up at all. In fact, I think you're very strong, to  
have come out of those experiences and still survived." He said softly.  
  
Ami looked at him in surprise. He gave her a beautiful smile. "I'm honored to be the friend of someone as  
strong as you. But just so you know, you can always talk to me about anything. If you're ever troubled  
by anything, or whatever, you can always talk to me about it. I won't judge you, or blab to others, or  
anything like that. Okay?"  
  
Ami smiled back at him, and it was a warm smile that reached her blue eyes. "Okay. Thank you."  
  
***   
  
There! Longer chapter! And all of this is true. More coming up....  
  
REVIEW!  
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	4. Inseparable Friends

More of "Loved and Lost"...I find this a bit harder to write than my other fiction...because it's not about  
me coming up with the story...it's about me narrating the story. But I'll try my best....  
  
Disclaimers apply.  
  
***  
  
Ami and Zoisite were soon inseperable friends. The two "brainiacs" of the group they hung out in, they  
talked about everything from the most personal things to the next calculus assignment together. Of  
course, all this made their friends Mina and Lita very eager to set the two of them up, but the two of  
them steadfastly and patiently ignored all the hints and teasing, and remained the best of friends.  
  
~~~  
  
12 March 2000  
  
Ami sat at the lab table in the back of Dr. Godwin's classroom. As the Chairperson of the Biology sector  
of the high school's Science Club, she had stayed after that day, as there had been a club meeting. But  
now, the rest of the club members had left the classroom of the AP Biology teacher for home. Ami, on  
the other hand, remained seated where she was, and buried her head in her hands.  
  
Once again, her life, as she knew it, was taking a drastic turn for the worse. Her mother, after several  
months of cold war, had decided to divorce her father. That was two months ago. At first, it did not   
affect Ami so much. But now, her father, who had not laid so much as a finger on her since that brutal   
beating she'd received when she was 13 was discovered at school and they had threatened to call the   
police, was making life miserable for her.  
  
Upset by the fact that his wife was kicking him out of her home, he had lately started to take his anger  
out upon Ami. Not by physical force, of course. After several years of karate training, with Rei and Lita's  
help, it would no longer be in any way prudent to try to beat her into submission. But there would be the  
long and loud tirades, trying to coerce her into making her mother change her mind. Belittling her. Calling  
her a fool. A disobedient, ungrateful, fucking bitch.   
  
Suddenly, Ami felt a gentle hand stroking her hair. A familiar baritone voice sounded by her ear. "Are you  
all right?"  
  
Ami was not all right. But she had been pretending to be all right for the past two months. And now, all  
of the sudden, under Zoisite's understanding gaze, everything poured out. Finally, she raised her slightly  
teary face from where it had been muffled against his chest, and looked into his eyes.  
  
"I've really got a fucked-up life, don't I? Zoisite, how does it make you feel that your best friend is a god  
damned hypocrite? The one who lives a lie...who spends her days trying to appear like little miss perfect  
when in actuality she's just this totally messed-up psycho who has way too many problems?" She asked  
him, her voice quivering a little.  
  
He sighed, then said firmly, "Ami, look at me." She did. "You're NOT fucked up. Admittedly, you've got a  
considerable number of bad experiences in your life. But it's because of those very experiences that you  
have become such a strong person."  
  
Ami laughed bitterly. "Strong? Yeah, right. I only WISH I had the strength of the others. Take Mina, for  
example. She's always so resilient, so happy, she's able to spare a smile for everyone. I only WISH I had  
that sort of power."  
  
Zoisite continued to gently stroke her hair. "Perhaps. But had Mina ever had to deal with being sexually  
molested? Or being beaten? Or anything of that sort that YOU have had to deal with?" Ami shook her  
head. "Of course not, for which I am very glad. None of them should ever have to go through that kind   
of thing."  
  
"Agreed. But you DID go through those things. But you have not become a juvenile delinquent. You have   
not tried to drown your sorrows in alcohol and drugs. Heck, you've not even let it affect your academics.  
DESPITE all of that shit that's happened to you, you've never let that make you an unkind person, or let  
that drag down your studies and your daily life. I'm PROUD of you. Now, let me give you a ride home."  
  
~~~  
  
"I really don't know what I would do without him." Ami remarked to Lita one day during lunch. The other  
girl looked at her blue-haired friend slyly.   
  
"Oh, is that so?" Lita winked one green eye at the other girl. "He IS quite cute. Of course, not as cute as  
Nephrite, but pretty cute nonetheless. And he's smart. And he CLEARLY likes you."  
  
"No, of course not!!" Ami blushed slightly. Why could they not give her a rest about that already? Zoisite  
was her FRIEND, they should know that!  
  
Lita persisted in her teasing, "What, you don't think he's cute?"  
  
Ami almost blushed purple. "I--I---that's NOT what I said, and you know it! Besides, we all know that he  
does not view me as a sex object, but as a friend!"  
  
Lita's eyebrows shot up slightly. "No one talked about sex here, hon, I meant, he LIKES you. Isn't that   
so, Mina?" The blonde Mina nodded vigorously in agreement, then caught sight of the guy being discussed  
making his way towards the table. She waved him over.  
  
Lita went straight to the point. "So, Zoisite, we were just telling Ami that you like her. Isn't that right?"  
  
Zoisite took one glance at Ami's furiously blushing face, and chided the two persistent matchmakers. "I  
plead the fifth. And stop teasing her, you two!"  
  
"Awwww, he's being protective!" Mina cooed. Ami blushed even harder.  
  
***  
  
More coming up soon....stay tuned!  
  
REVIEW!! 


	5. Junior Year Interludes

More "Loved and Lost"...*sniffle sniffle*  
  
As always, disclaimers apply.  
  
REVIEW!!! But in this work, more than any of the others, BE CONSIDERATE!!! For background info on this  
story, read the notes at the beginning of Chapter 1...  
  
***  
18 May 2000  
  
"Are you excited, Ami?" Zoisite asked cheerfully as the two, as well as Kunzite and Setsuna got onto the  
large, air-conditioned bus.  
  
"Of course! I have never been to Cedar Point before, of course I'm excited!"  
  
The four friends, who were classmates in the Accelerated Honors Physics class, were participating in the  
annual Physics Day field trip. Of course, it was more for the sake of fun than for actually doing physics,  
but they were to analyze a ride of choice based on the laws of mechanics, etc. and then write a detailed  
lab report about their findings.  
  
Of course, with all members of that group being extremely diligent students, the "business" part of the  
field trip was immediately taken care of first. After having gotten the necessary data on the roller coaster  
Raptor, and written down the equations necessary for doing the calculations, the four divided up the  
tasks: Setsuna would draw the diagrams, Zoisite do the calculations, Kunzite write up the purpose and  
procedure, and Ami would do the data analysis and type the lab report. Then, the four friends let loose  
and proceeded to ride as many rides as they could fit into one day.   
  
They had just gotten off a water ride when Mr. Fletcher, the physics teacher, announced that it was time  
to go back to the buses and head back to the high school.  
  
Ami sat down on her seat by the window, rubbing her cold arms with her cold hands. She only had on a  
tank top and shorts, both of which were soaked thoroughly by the water ride. Plus, the air conditioning   
on the bus was turned up quite high. Exhausted after the long day, she closed her eyes as Zoisite took   
his seat next to her. Suddenly, her fuzzy brain registered a feeling of warmth. 'Good, they turned off the  
A/C...' she thought drowsily, leaning closer towards the nice, protective source of warmth.   
  
She awoke to Setsuna's gentle shaking of her shoulders. "Ami, we're back at the school now. Wake up!"  
Ami slowly opened sapphire eyes, which widened as her cheeks took on a rosy blush. She had a familiar  
varsity jacket draped over her, and she was leaning against an equally familiar shoulder. Zoisite had one  
arm encircling her protectively. Setsuna gave her a small, knowing smirk. Ami, utterly embarrassed, turned  
to Zoisite, silently asking for an explanation.  
  
He gave her a sheepish, boyish grin. "You were shivering in your sleep." He offered laconically as the two  
of them stepped off the bus after Kunzite and Setsuna.  
  
"Oh!" Ami said blankly. They were out of the chilly bus now, and the night air was warm. But Zoisite still  
had his arm around her shoulders. And Ami, usually so averse to touch since she was 10, let him take that  
liberty for reasons unknown even to herself.  
  
~~~  
  
15 June 2000  
  
"I can't believe it! We'll be seniors after this summer!" Serena squealed gleefully. Ami merely nodded, her  
nose buried in her book. Today was the day of the calculus final...now, to go over logarithmic integration  
functions one last time...  
  
Zoisite sat down next to her. "So, ready for Calc?" He asked. She gave him a wan smile.  
  
"I hope so, you?"   
  
"I think we'll both do fine." He replied. "But I didn't want to talk to you about that." He actually looked a  
bit nervous for a second, then dug out a box from his backpack. "Here, this is for you."  
  
Ami was both surprised and touched. "Oh, Zoisite, you didn't have to!" He grinned. "Of course I didn't, but  
I wanted to. Open it, see if you like it."  
  
Ami nodded, and opened the box. Inside, there was a discman and a package of batteries. "Oh! Thanks  
so much, Zoisite! You REALLY didn't need to get me anything, and especially not anything expensive!"   
  
He merely gave her a warm smile. "You need some joy in your life, sweet Ami. Now, let's go and kick that  
final's ass!"  
  
====90 minutes later====  
  
"Well, how do you think you did?" Ami asked Zoisite as the two of them stepped out of the front door of  
the high school for the last time that school year.   
  
"I think I did fine, you?"  
  
"I hope I did fine, I'm just glad that I went over the integration formulas twice, there were a lot of those  
on the test..." They continued out towards Zoisite's car, still deep in discussion about the intricacies of  
calculus. This highly academic and (had they been present to hear it, Mina, Lita, and Serena would have  
deemed it) boring conversation continued on the drive to Ami's house. Then, when they arrived, Zoisite  
parked on the driveway and walked her to the door. Stopping there as she searched for keys, he looked  
down into her sweet, sad face. "Ami, you're really an amazing girl, you know that?"  
  
She smiled, somewhat bashfully, "Thank you. For your friendship."  
  
"No, thank YOU, for yours. I'll see you at the leadership conference in August." He gave her a warm hug,  
then waved, and drove away.  
  
***  
  
Yeah, more upcoming hopefully soon....review!  
~Thalia 


	6. Conferences and Confessions

More of "Loved and Lost"!!  
  
Thanks to those who have reviewed! Keep it up!  
  
As always disclaimers apply...  
  
***  
  
1 August 2000  
  
"Ami! There you are!" Mina, dressed in a yellow sundress, waved. By her side, Kunzite sat reading a book.   
Ami walked over towards them. She had just arrived at the campus of a university that she, Mina, Kunzite  
and Zoisite had all been invited to attend. She and Mina, like Kunzite and Zoisite, were rooming together,  
and although they all had different seminars and workshops to attend (Ami Medicine, Zoisite Law, Mina  
Leadership and Kunzite Diplomacy), it promised to be an enjoyable, memorable experience.  
  
"Hey, girl! You're looking good!" Mina said to her friend. "Zoisite's going to be here in an hour. Let's go and  
explore while we wait."  
  
"All right." Together, the two girls walked off, looking around the campus, meeting new people. It was all  
very well until Ami felt someone slap her butt. Outraged, she whirled around to see another student, one  
who had an arrogant smirk on his ugly face.  
  
"Hey cutie." He drawled out, reaching out a hand to grab her shoulder. Swiftly, Ami shrugged his hand off,  
narrowing her eyes.   
  
"Keep your filthy hands off her." A new voice interrupted. All three turned to see Zoisite. But Zoisite was  
not looking at the girls, he was glaring down at the shorter guy, the one who had the gall to touch Ami.   
  
Under the icy glares of both Ami and Zoisite, the guy soon made his exit, and Zoisite's face broke out in a  
smile. "Ami, Mina, it's great to see you two!"  
  
"Some of us more than others, eh?" Mina said slyly. Ami shot her a dirty look. "Well, I think I'll be off and  
see what Kunzite is up to. Be good, you two!" With an airy wave, the blonde-haired girl sauntered off.  
  
"So, where are you staying?" Zoisite asked Ami. He was dragging a suitcase behind him. "I think Kunzite  
and I are in room 5316."  
  
"Oh, really? Mina and I are in 4316, we're directly under you two. Feel free to visit anytime!" Ami grinned  
at him. "And if Kunzite and Mina start making out, we can always go to your room and wait until they're  
done."  
  
Zoisite laughed. "So, are you looking forward to this conference?"  
  
"Of course! And we get to tour the city and have social events too! It should be a very memorable event,  
don't you think?"  
  
"Sure. Here, I need to go sign in, and then unpack. Try to keep that asshole from bothering you, okay?"  
Zoisite gave her a quick hug, then walked off. Ami went back to rejoin Mina and Kunzite. Who were, at   
the moment, rather---occupied. Ami cleared her throat, "Be good, you two!" She said mockingly, using   
the words that Mina had said to her a few moments ago. The two sprang apart, guilty blushes on their  
faces. Ami smiled and shook her head.  
  
~~~  
  
5 August 2000  
  
"So, what are you going to wear?" Mina asked her friend and roommate. The two had a nice arrangement  
rooming together, with Ami taking care of the business and Mina taking care of the fun. Tonight, it was  
the last night of the leadership conference, and there would be a dance. Mina, at the moment, had on a  
new pinkish gold lacy little number and was smearing gold eyeshadow on her lids.  
  
Ami dug through her clothing hanging in the closet. "I think I'll wear this." She pulled out a long, elegant  
dress of apple-green chiffon, that accentuated her figure but wasn't too clingy. Mina squealed. "It's so  
pretty! And...green is Zoisite's favorite color!" She winked at her friend. "And you have to let me do your  
hair." She said, brandishing a curling iron at her friend and waggling her eyebrows.  
  
Ami looked at Mina with a bit of trepidation on her face. "Umm, okay, fine."  
  
"Good girl!"  
  
Soon, the two girls went downstairs to the dance floor. Mina had curled the ends of Ami's silky blue hair  
so that they framed her heart-shaped face. The two met Kunzite and Zoisite at the door. The two were  
wearing the same business attire that they had been wearing earlier that day, sans jacket and tie. Mina  
at once dragged her boyfriend away to the dance floor, and soon both of them were cavorting about and  
laughing.  
  
"I never would have thought that I'd see HIM so footloose and carefree." Zoisite remarked to Ami, who   
stood next to him, pointing at Kunzite. Ami nodded. Zoisite looked at her, and said, "By the way, you look  
beautiful."  
  
"Thank you." At that moment, a girl dragged Zoisite to the dance floor to dance with her, leaving Ami by  
herself. He looked at her apologetically and gave her a half-hearted wave.  
  
All of the sudden, she found herself face to face once more with the guy who had slapped her butt on the  
first day she was here. She glared at him. "Leave me alone!"  
  
He merely sneered, "Don't you want to have some fun with me, sweet pie? You and I, we could really do  
something wild together, don't you think?"  
  
"No, let me warn you that I'm a brown belt in karate. Don't make me have to defend myself against you, I  
GUARANTEE it will not be pleasant for you." He merely laughed, and reached out a hand towards her. "I'm  
warning you!" Ami made a fist, and was pulling it back to launch into his solar plexus.  
  
All of the sudden, the guy was yanked away, and Ami saw Zoisite behind him, one strong hand holding the  
scruff of his neck, green eyes spitting venom. Forcibly draggin the guy away, his words floated to Ami's  
ears. "I swear to God, if I ever see you within 10 feet from Ami ever again, I WILL KILL YOU. Keep your  
filthy, disgusting hands off of my..." And then they were out of earshot, and Ami watched Zoisite throw  
the other guy down like he was a sack of potatoes. 'Keep your filthy,, disgusting hands off of my what?'  
She wondered.  
  
Zoisite walked back to her, and proferred a hand. "Dance with me, Ami." Hesitantly, she took his hand,  
and they walked out to the dance floor. A slow song came on, Joe's 'I wanna know'.   
  
I wanna know what turns you on,  
So I can be all that and more.  
I'd like to know what makes you cry,  
So I can be the one who always makes you smile.  
  
Tell me what I gotta do to please you,  
Baby anything you say I'll do  
Cause I only wanna make you happy,  
From the bottom of my heart, it's true.  
  
I wish that I could take a journey through your mind, alright  
And find emotions that you always tried to hide  
I do believe that there's a love you wanna share  
I'll take good care of you, lady, have no fear...  
  
Ami forced herself to look up at Zoisite's face, and ask, "You were saying to that guy to keep his filthy  
hands off your what?"  
  
Zoisite took a deep breath. "Girlfriend, if you would allow it. Friend, for all time, no matter what." He said  
simply and honestly.   
  
Ami's blue eyes were huge on her face. "B-but...that would mean that you...you..."  
  
"And why shouldn't I, Ami? You're kind, you're very considerate to your friends, you're smart, you're one   
of the strongest, toughest people I know, and I hope that you realize that you're also one of the most  
beautiful women I have ever met. Both inside and out. Is it so surprising?"  
  
"I---I don't know what to say..." Ami's mind was in turmoil. She trusted him. She knew that. But how does  
one know whether or not she loved a guy? And besides...she needed time to adjust to the idea. Zoisite  
seemed to read her thoughts. "I'll wait. For as long as it takes. And no matter what your decision turns  
out to be, I'll always be your friend."  
  
***  
  
Okay, that's the next chapter of "Loved and Lost"  
  
REVIEW! 


	7. First kiss: A Sin Purged

Here's more of "Loved and Lost", for your perusal...  
  
Disclaimers apply.  
  
REVIEW!!!  
  
***  
  
Zoisite was true to his word. He did not pressure Ami to make any decision immediately. Ami's sharp, logical  
mind had found a problem that it could not solve through analysis. Namely, what to do about Zoisite.  
  
She certainly trusted him. Which was unusual enough in itself. Ami had never trusted anyone so completely  
like that for seven years. But he gave her no choice but to trust him. He was dependable, understanding,  
deeply loyal, and discreet. He had proven time and again that she could trust him with her life.  
  
And she could certainly do worse. He was intelligent, friendly, caring, and very attractive. Many girls would  
have loved to be in her shoes.  
  
But she liked their close friendship as it was. She liked being his best friend. She liked being able to talk to  
him about anything and nothing.  
  
Would becoming his girlfriend do anything to change that?  
  
~~~  
  
16 March 2001  
  
"I look absolutely ridiculous!" Ami complained to Zoisite. He laughed. "You look fine, do you remember all of  
your lines?"  
  
"Yeah, I went over them. But what in the world was Mr. Parker thinking to give such an utterly preposterous  
assignment?!"  
  
The two were headed to English class. The teacher, Mr. Parker, had decided that the students in the class  
were not well-versed enough in Shakespeare, and had them break into groups of two, and draw from a hat  
various famous scenes from Shakesperean plays, which they were to perform for the class. Today, it was  
Ami and Zoisite's turn to perform a scene: the engagement scene of Portia and Bassanio from The Merchant  
of Venice. For the occasion, Ami was dressed in a long, white dress, with a blue sash that brought out her  
thick blue hair and sapphire eyes. Zoisite, for his part, wore tan slacks, and a long shirt that he belted, to  
make it look like a tunic. The two walked in, and soon, were reciting their lines flawlessly.  
  
Zoisite, in his role, read from a paper that sealed his engagement with his beloved, "You that choose not  
by the view/ Chance as fair and choose as true! / Since this fortune falls to you, / Be content and seek no  
new, / If you be well pleased with this / And hold your fortune for your bliss, / Turn you where your lady is /  
And claim her with a loving kiss." Green eyes locked deeply with blue ones, and it seemed that it was no  
longer Zoisite pretending to be Bassanio asking Portia, but that Zoisite was speaking directly to Ami, and he  
whispered the next lines, his eyes never leaving her face. "A gentle scroll, fair lady. By your leave." And as  
Bassanio kissed Portia at that point in the play, he gently took Ami's chin between his thumb and forefinger.  
Ami's eyes widened, and she gasped as his lips gently brushed over hers. Loving, tender, sweet.  
  
Ami had only been kissed once before, and it was the tragic experience that had occurred when she was 10  
and had left her soul with scars. That kiss had been forced, and intrusive, and altogether disgusting. But at  
this moment, when Zoisite touched his lips to hers, she felt a radically different sensation. It felt like those  
lips that had been defiled and polluted by the would-be-rapist and pedophile, were now purified. Her mind  
flew to another Shakespearean play, Romeo and Juliet, and the line "Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is  
purged." Indeed, with this kiss, the dirt, the disgusting taste left from that awful first one seemed to finally  
have left. Distractedly, she heard the class clap and cheer.  
  
The next day, predictably, the entire story was out, and Ami was teased mercilessly by her friends. Finally,  
after they, with a plentitude of knowing looks and nudges, left her alone to study her AP Chemistry notes in  
peace, she breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
She had just finished going over the first two sections when she felt a caressing hand gently run through   
her hair. She turned to see Zoisite standing behind her.  
  
"Ami, I'm sorry for yesterday." He said, although his eyes were glinting like bright green emeralds.  
  
She gave him a piercing look and said matter-of-factly, "No, you're not."  
  
He nodded. "No, I'm not. I admit it. I was not sorry for kissing you. I will never be sorry for kissing you. But,  
I AM sorry that I embarrassed you."  
  
Ami searched hard for suitable words to say. "Umm...It's okay, I guess. Don't worry too much about it." She  
stammered out.  
  
Zoisite nodded, seemingly relieved. Then, he spoke again, reassuring her, "Don't worry either, Ami, this will  
not change our friendship. I'm still willing to wait for your love." With that said, he patted her shoulder, and  
walked out.  
  
Ami watched him walk away. Someday......  
  
***  
  
Tee hee...I'm a bit evil, I know, since I kind of left you hanging. But there's more upcoming, and with how I  
update so frequently and regularly, you shouldn't complain!!  
  
Yeah, anyways, REVIEW!!  
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	8. It Wasn't a Lie

Okay, I decided not to be horrible and leave y'all hanging^_^ Be happy!!  
  
As always, disclaimers apply.  
  
REVIEW!  
  
***  
  
18 April 2001  
  
"WHY is life so annoying?!" Ami muttered angrily. Rei looked at her in sympathy.  
  
Lately, a blonde, wavy-haired, blue-eyed, curvaceous bimbette named Elise had decided that Zoisite  
was cute. Never mind that she had a boyfriend already, but she decided to rather aggressively go  
after Zoisite. Zoisite, of course, tried his best to evade her and tell her that he was not interested.   
This was all very well, except for the fact that Elise was at best rude and at worst downright bitchy  
towards Ami.  
  
Ami ignored the angry, disgusted feelings welling up inside her when she saw Elise strut over towards  
Zoisite, and drape her bare arms around him, purposely letting her perfectly curled blonde hair fall on  
his face. Zoisite disengaged her arms from around him, and told her that he needed to study.  
  
"Oh, you're sooo smart, Zoisite!" She immediately started cooing in a sickly sweet voice, "I just LOVE  
smart guys..." Elise gave a challenging look towards Ami, who wrinkled her nose and pointedly looked  
the other way.  
  
~~~  
  
19 April 2001  
  
Ami and Zoisite were walking towards her locker after classes when they heard the sound of a rather  
heated argument.  
  
"You BITCH! What the fuck do you think you're doing, throwing yourself at that pretty boy! Do you  
not remember that you're MINE?!" An angry male voice rang out. Then, the sound of a slap. Ami's   
eyes widened, and she and Zoisite exchanged a glance.Then, the two of them ran off towards the  
direction of the sound.  
  
Not too surprisingly, they saw, when they got there, Elise, cowering, her furious-looking boyfriend  
towering over her, a ferocious look on his face. Then, they saw that Elise had one hand over her  
cheek. Ami gasped, then sprang into action. With one fierce yank, she pulled back the burly boy by  
his collar.   
  
Reflexively, he launched a fist at her, but she caught his fist and used it to twist his arm behind him,  
then forced him to look at her. The boy gave her one look, and the color drained from his face.  
  
"Ian, if you want to pass AP Biology or keep all your limbs, you will apologize to Elise immediately, and  
leave her the hell alone from this moment on." Ami Mizuno, teaching assistant to Dr. Godwin, the AP  
Biology teacher, and karate black belt, said calmly but firmly to the boy in front of her.  
  
"Look, Ami, I'm sorry I lost my temper, but that dumb bitch was trying to play another guy." Ian, at  
that moment, noticed Zoisite standing close by. "There! That's the bastard! OWW!!!" For Ami, whose  
hand stil held his arm behind his back, just pressed the pressure point at the wrist HARD.  
  
"You better get your facts straight." Ami said calmly. "For your information, Zoisite is my boyfriend. So  
if your girlfriend and my boyfriend were really doing anything inappropriate, do you think I would have  
stopped you from hitting her?"  
  
Ian was astonished. But not nearly so much as Zoisite, whose eyes nearly bugged out of his head in  
his shock. Ami gave him a pleading glance, as if to say 'please play along'. He understood, and stepped  
to stand by Ami's side, and draped an arm around her shoulders.  
  
Ian acquiesced, apologized, and walked away still slightly sulky. Elise hung behind, and looked guiltily   
at Ami and Zoisite.  
  
"Ami, I'm so sorry for being such a bitch to you. I--I was not sure that you two were dating. And you  
helped me out today, even though I didn't deserve it."  
  
Zoisite regarded her rather coldly, "Indeed. But we're not dating. Ami lied to Ian to save your ass."  
  
Elise now looked even more guilty. "Oh! I--I'm so sorry...Ami, please forgive me. And....you know that  
Zoisite is a great guy."  
  
Ami nodded. "Yes, I know. Now, go home. I don't think that Ian will bother you again. He knows that I  
grade his papers in AP Biology, and his grade is kind of suffering right now...good-bye." The other girl  
nodded, and walked away.  
  
Zoisite turned back to Ami, who was standing by his side. "I knew there was a reason I loved you." He  
said, half-proudly, half-wistfully. "I don't know of any other girl who would lie to help another girl, who  
she has no reason to respect, and who has been a total bitch to her. I just wish it wasn't a lie."  
  
Ami looked at him for a long moment, and then, all of the sudden, standing there in an empty hallway,  
she took the plunge. Giving him a sweet, gorgeous smile, she leaned up and whispered into his ear the  
two little words that would make his happiness, "It wasn't."  
  
He stared. "Do you mean to say that...that you..."  
  
She stepped into his arms, and they held her tightly. "Yes." He smiled down at her, joy lighting up his  
beautiful eyes, and this time, when he kissed her, she kissed him back.  
  
***  
  
AWWWW!!!!!!!  
  
Review!! 


	9. The Joy of Love

Woohoo! I'm on a roll here! Here is the next installment of "Loved and Lost"  
  
Disclaimers apply...REVIEW!!  
  
***  
  
26 April 2001  
  
Ami hummed a tune to herself as she floated up to her room. It was midnight, and she had just come  
home from her first date. She smiled when she saw the crystal vase in her room filled with two dozen red  
roses. Zoisite had come to pick her up for dinner and a movie. He had come to pick her up at 7:00 sharp,  
wearing a white shirt, khakis and a beautiful smile, his arms full of roses. Then, he had proceeded to give  
her the roses, telling her how beautiful she looked, and as she went to put the roses in water, he had  
charmed her mother with his intelligence and courtesy. They had gone out to a quaint little Japanese   
restaurant to eat, and then, to the movie theatre. He had held her small hand in his larger one for the   
entirety of the movie, and when he had dropped her off back at her house, he had taken her in his arms   
for a tender hug, before kissing her lips lightly, his fingers gently caressing the ends of her hair.   
  
She was in love. And it was wonderful. Instead of the trapped feeling that she had feared, she felt like  
all her fetters had finally been broken. That she was finally free. Smiling dreamily at the roses one last  
time, she turned off the lights and went to sleep.  
  
~~~  
  
24 May 2001  
  
"Ami, can I do your hair?" Mina asked her friend.   
  
"Sure thing!" Ami smiled serenely. Mina, holding a handful of hairpins and a brush, walked over to where  
Ami was sitting.  
  
Tonight was Prom night. Ami sat, dressed in a sheeny dress of midnight blue trimmed with diamonds. It  
was long, elegant, flowing, and fit her perfectly, bringing out the pallor of her skin, the glimmer of her  
sapphire eyes, and her glossy hair, which Mina was pinning into an elegant French twist around her head  
at the very moment. She wore dangling diamond earrings and a matching necklace, and a beatific smile.  
  
All five girls, dressed in their prom dresses, were sitting in Mina's sunny room. Mina was helping everyone  
with their hair and makeup. Ami looked affectionately at all of them. Rei was pinning her hair up with a  
pair of ebony chopsticks, and dressed in a daring, strapless crimson gown with one slit up her thigh. Lita  
wore green, trimmed with pink, and she wore pink blossoms in her coppery hair. Serena wore blissful, lacy  
white, with a pearl necklace and baby roses at her throat. Mina, whose reflection she could see in the  
mirror in front of her, wore a dress the color of a sunrise. and a diadem of golden hearts on her forehead.  
They all looked so happy, so beautiful...  
  
"There! You look gorgeous, Ami." Mina pinned a diamond-trimmed barrette in her hair, and stepped back,  
admiring her handiwork. As if on cue, the doorbell rang downstairs. Five excited girls trooped down the  
staircase in their dainty sandals, and Mina opened the door.  
  
Ami saw Zoisite standing right behind Kunzite, who was at the moment kissing Mina's cheek. He wore a  
tuxedo, and sunglasses. 'Mr. Cool' She smiled to herself. He paused, then stepped up to her, and took   
her hand in his.  
  
"You look so, so beautiful." His voice was reverent. She pinned a white rosebud on his lapel, and thanked  
him. He continued, "I'm serious. You always look beautiful, but today, you just look....wow...." He gently  
slid a corsage of white rosebuds and tiny blue forget-me-nots onto her wrist, and whispered into her ear,  
"How did I ever manage to win you?" She merely smiled, and snuggled into his arms.  
  
~~~  
  
25 May 2001  
  
Ami was exhausted, but it was a good sort of exhaustion. The prom had been fun. The elegance of the  
place, the excellent company of her friends, and, Zoisite. Ami had truly felt beautiful last night, and not  
because she was dolled up in a pretty dress, with her hair and makeup done, but because he had made  
her feel beautiful with his love.  
  
After the prom, everyone had gone to Ami's house, to chill and watch movies. They had so much fun, all  
of them, that no one went home that night.  
  
Now, the morning after, one by one, they had gone. Now, Zoisite was the only one left. Still dressed in  
his tuxedo, although with the jacket open, he walked out towards his car, Ami trailing behind him. She  
was also still in her dress, although she had taken down her hair.  
  
"Good-bye, sweet Ami." He said, before stepping into his car. Ami waved as he drove away, and then was  
startled when he stopped about 100 feet away, got out of the car, and ran towards her.  
  
"Sorry, I forgot something." He said a bit breathlessly.   
  
"Oh? What did you forget?" She asked curiously. And then, she felt him taking her into his arms, and then  
a deep, loving kiss upon her lips. She moaned slightly, and reached up her hands to caress his hair. Long  
moments later, they parted. He smiled. "I'm all set now."  
  
~~~  
  
15 September 2001  
  
Ami lay on the table as the needle drained the blood from her arm. Due to the recent September 11th  
tragedy, she was, for the first time in her 18 years of life, donating blood. Despite the discomfort of the  
needle in her arm and the coldness of her fingers, she was smiling.  
  
Today, Zoisite was coming to visit her! He had gone to a different University, but they had kept in touch  
with each other. Her birthday had just passed 5 days ago, and he was coming to see her.   
  
Soon, the needle was removed from her arm, and she sat up quickly, eager to go back to her dorm room  
to see Zoisite, who was due to arrive any minute now. She had sat up too quickly, and suddenly, black  
spots danced before her eyes, and she fell down again, passed out.  
  
Zoisite had stopped by her room, and had learned from her roommate that she was donating blood. June  
had told him where she would be, and he at once set off to find her. When he had seen her lying there,  
unconscious, he picked her up in his arms, and carried the blue-haired girl all the way back to her dorm.  
  
Ami had awoken a while later, and when her roommate, smirking, had told her that she had been carried  
like a princess all the way back to her room, she blushed crimson. But she was too happy to see Zoisite  
to worry about this for long. The two went out to dinner, then Zoisite headed to the apartment of Darien,  
Serena's boyfriend, where he was to stay that night.  
  
However, 30 minutes later, he was back at Ami's room. Darien was in the hospital, having accidentally  
sprained his wrist that day. He would not be home that night. After explaining the situation to Ami, she  
had deliberated on what to do, and had decided that he could stay with her that night.   
  
The next morning, when June awoke, she saw two individuals sleeping peacefully on her roommate's bed.  
Zoisite had an arm protectively around Ami, who was nestled against his chest, a blissful smile on her  
face. It would have been very easy for him to have taken advantage of the situation, but he had not. A  
smile grew on June's lips. 'Ami is one lucky girl...'  
  
***  
  
*sigh* AWWWW!!!!  
  
REVIEW!! 


	10. The End...

Here it is...the final chapter of "Loved and Lost"...  
  
Disclaimers apply...  
  
***  
  
23 November 2001  
  
Ami stood in the cemetery, a slender figure dressed in white. She was holding something.  
  
The night before, she had taken the picture of her that they had found in Zoisite's wallet, and she  
had burned it. Now, she had those ashes cupped in her hands, and when she spoke, her voice was  
quivering slightly, but fairly calm.  
  
"I love you, Zoisite. I never told you that in life, but I hope that you can hear me now, and know  
that I love you, and that I will always love you. A part of me died with you, and it will be with you  
always.  
  
I will live on. I will make the best of my life. I will be strong for your sake, because I know that you  
wouldn't expect anything less from me. I will even try to be happy.   
  
I hope that you died happy, and that now, as you look down on us, the ones still living, you will be  
proud and content.  
  
I will remember you always, Zoisite, as my first and truest love, and the one who freed my heart and  
taught me to trust again. No matter what the future brings, I will remember you for that, and thank  
you for it.  
  
I miss you terribly, Zoisite. It hurts, it truly hurts, not having you around, knowing that you will never  
come back to me. But I will never regret meeting you, or our love. Even with the pain now. It truly is  
better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.  
  
Until we meet again, I'll never forget you." Done saying what she had to say, she scattered the ashes  
of her picture over his grave, and slowly walked back to rejoin the others. Suddenly, she felt a gentle  
tap on her shoulder, and she turned around to see Zoisite's mother.  
  
"Ami, I found these in the drawer of his bedside table. He bought them for you, the last time he was  
home." The older woman held out a small box, which Ami opened with trembling fingers. Nestled inside  
was a pair of the most beautiful earrings that Ami had ever seen, made of delicate filigreed silver shaped  
like seashells, with tiny teardrop-shaped sapphires hanging at the ends. Ami felt her breath catch, and  
tears stinging in her eyes. 'He still buys me expensive presents. And now, I don't even have anyone to  
say ~Oh, you shouldn't have~ to...' But she managed to paste on a quavery smile for Zoisite's mother.  
She accepted the earrings, and put them on. "Thank you, I'll wear them always."  
  
~~~  
  
20 April 2002  
  
"And that's the story." Ami concluded. She gave a wan smile to the girl who had been listening, a look of  
fascination on her face.  
  
Thalia looked at the girl in front of her. Ami Mizuno had indeed been strong in the months after Zoisite's  
death. She had kept her grades intact, managing to pull off a perfect 4.0 even with the events that had  
occurred, not to mention her difficult Honors curriculum. The Ami of today was a capable, mature woman  
who had known both great pain and great joy. She had a sweet smile on her beautiful face, but her clear  
blue eyes held a hint of sadness. She got up, and proferred a hand to Thalia. "It was a pleasure to meet  
you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must leave now, I have a final exam to take in an hour."  
  
Thalia shook the blue-haired girl's hand, and wished her luck on the final. Ami nodded, and started her  
way out. Suddenly, Thalia called out to her.  
  
"Ami, one more question."  
  
"Yes? What is it?"  
  
"Would you mind if I wrote all this down, if I made this into a story?" Thalia asked the other girl shyly.  
  
Ami hesitated for a moment, then gave Thalia another sweet, sad smile. "I'd be honored."  
  
***  
  
And it's done!! *sob!!*   
  
REVIEW! 


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